Iraq War comments by Michael Moore--satire

Dear Mr. President,

Thanks for your address to the nation. It's good to know you still want

to talk to us after how we behaved in November.

Listen, can I be frank? Sending in 20,000 more troops just ain't gonna

do the job. That will only bring the troop level back up to what it was

last year. And we were losing the war last year! We've already had over

a million troops serve some time in Iraq since 2003. Another few

thousand is simply not enough to find those weapons of mass

destruction!

Er, I mean... bringing those responsible for 9/11 to justice! Um,

scratch that. Try this -- BRING DEMOCRACY TO THE MIDDLE EAST! YES!!!

You've got to show some courage, dude! You've got to win this one!

C'mon, you got Saddam! You hung 'im high! I loved watching the video of

that -- just like the old wild west! The bad guy wore black! The

hangmen

were as crazy as the hangee! Lynch mobs rule!!!

Look, I have to admit I feel very sorry for the predicament you're in.

As Ricky Bobby said, "If you're not first, you're last." And you being

humiliated in front of the whole world does NONE of us Americans any

good.

Sir, listen to me. You have to send in MILLIONS of troops to Iraq, not

thousands! The only way to lick this thing now is to flood Iraq with

millions of us! I know that you're out of combat-ready soldiers -- so

you have to look elsewhere! The only way you are going to beat a nation

of 27 million -- Iraq -- is to send in at least 28 million! Here's how

it would work:

The first 27 million Americans go in and kill one Iraqi each. That will

quickly take care of any insurgency. The other one million of us will

stay and rebuild the country. Simple.

Now, I know you're saying, where will I find 28 million Americans to go

to Iraq? Here are some suggestions:

1. More than 62,000,000 Americans voted for you in the last election

(the one that took place a year and half into a war we already knew we

were losing). I am confident that at least a third of them would want

put their body where there vote was and sign up to volunteer. I know

many of these people and, while we may disagree politically, I know

that

they don't believe someone else should have to go and fight their fight

for them -- while they hide here in America.

2. Start a "Kill an Iraqi" Meet-Up group in cities across the country.

know this idea is so early-21st century, but I once went to a Lou Dobbs

Meet-Up and, I swear, some of the best ideas happen after the third

mojito. I'm sure you'll get another five million or so enlistees from

this effort.

3. Send over all members of the mainstream media. After all, they were

your collaborators in bringing us this war -- and many of them are

already trained from having been "embedded!" If that doesn't bring the

total to 28 million, then draft all viewers of the FOX News channel.

Mr. Bush, do not give up! Now is not the time to pull your punch! Don't

be a weenie by sending in a few over-tired troops. Get your people

behind you and YOU lead them in like a true commander in chief! Leave

conservative behind! Full speed ahead!

We promise to write. Go get 'em W!

Yours,

Michael Moore

mmflint@aol.com <mailto:mmflint@aol.com>